I AM STRONG ENOUGH

BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T CRY AT ALL

Monday, January 31, 2011

Just Saying...



I think I'm much less self confident today. I actually went through a quite painful period because of that thinking that I was completely hopeless. But I think that's something that we all go through at various times of our lives and it was quite a sustained thing with me.


It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. If only you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world.


For those out there who looking for fun in a relationship, you are not doing the right thing, because finding a person to have fun with you is easy. it's anywhere and anytime.


But, seeking a person who really loves you, is like searching a piece of sugar in a bouquet of rice. it's rarely.




If you would be loved, love and be lovable.
Benjamin Franklin





Sunday, January 30, 2011



JANGAN MUDAH HILANG PERCAYA
PADA KUASA CINTA PANDANG PERTAMA...

ahaks...

Penantian



Entry hari ni berilhamkan dari keadaan yang agak suram dirumah. hanya bertemankan si comel, nama kucing kesayangan aku ni. dia suram je sebab kawan baik dia dah mati dimakan anjing liar tempoh hari.

kesian tengok dia, asep baring dan hanya termenung...

belai punya belai, lama2 aku macam leh masok pulak keadaan dia yang sepi tu...

aku tak gila lagi ok! cuma memahami..

terjumpa satu lagu dari band Kertas, tajuknya Penantian.
kalau nak feeling baca entry ni, mute sekejap lagu goo goo doll kat sebelah kanan page aku ni -->


then play lagu kat wall ni..



duduk diam2..



kosongkan kepala..



tenangkan fikiran..



fikirkan yang manis2..



buang rasa benci dalam hati..



nak lagi best, duduk kat tempat yang sunyi sepi, malap2 sikit pon best jugak



dah sedia?



ok, baca betul2 setiap bait2 lirik ni.



pahamkan maksud die...









*******************************************



Bulan dengarkan lantunku

bintang temanilah aku

terangi gelap malamku




aku ingin engkau tahu

ku kan selalu menunggu

hilangkan rasa letihku




Bila nanti kau mengerti

kumohon terangi aku




dalam hatiku

ingatkan aku

untuk menahan rasa hati lelahku

yang slalu ...

rindukan tawamu dalam hatiku




hanya dirimu ...

beri malamku yang menghiasi jiwa

yang rapuh

terlalu merindumu



Bila nanti kau mengerti

kumohon terangi aku .....




dalam hatiku

ingatkan aku

untuk menahan rasa hati lelahku

yang slalu ...

rindukan tawamu dalam hatiku

ingkatkan aku ku kan tetap menantimu

hingga hati itu




akhirnya, tetap bersendiri....


Saturday, January 29, 2011

Tenang...


hanya duduk tercanguk di rumah.!

terasa ingin dicintai...err...

tolong bawa saya keluar,

kemana sahaja...

mana tahu kalau2 saya menerima...

boleh tolong saya?



Friday, January 28, 2011

What Goes Around...Comes around

Let the magic happen. It's always there. Abundance and love are always there. Believe in the highest good. There is a higher essence to everything. The realm you're in has a heaviness that mutes energy. You can penetrate through it, no matter how dark and heavy. Just don't forget to keep it open. Don't get too bogged down, don't limit the brightness. Reach through the dark energy and grab it. You might see the smoke coming out of the chimney and you'll even see the smoky sky. You need to reach through the smoke and bring the light to you. Remember the possibilities of something greater then are right here. Be willing to go to the lightness. Don't feed off what is not right in the world


Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity.
-Edwin Hubbel Chapin-











I don't scratch my head unless it itches and I don't dance unless I hear some music.

I will not be intimidated. That's just the way it is.


:-)

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Jauh Sudah Perjalanan...



Back in the day, when I was in diploma, I thought it is easy to complete another chapter of my life as degree student. Now it’s already a month I in the final semester for the final year. Just another 3 to 4 month I’m going to complete my bachelor (honors). It’s too short..seriously. I still remember the day I registered myself as a diploma student 5 years ago. It’s on July 2006. My first impression was so wrong. Being a university student only take you and your effort in doing thing. I was wrong! I have learnt so many things about life. Life is all about uncertain. Yes, it’s true. When I was in part 1 diploma, I always kept myself mingle around with so many people, I mean all my friends. Starting from that, I have learnt about the way on how to treat people in a different way. The first people who furnished me a good lesson were my roommates when I was in Malinja kolej so-called zoo Linja, UiTM Kedah. What can I sum up here is the way we dealing with people to win over their heart. When I was in that site, it is so hard to make them to trust us and vice versa.


bila tengok balik gambar masa diploma, gelak guling2..


And later, when I was in part 3 diploma, I have been criticized badly by my lecturer when I was presenting Malaysia’s Studies-current issue regarding New Economic Policy. It so easy for me to explain about this policy because I am so fervent looking for any information. But, it becomes nastiest when I attempted to play safe with the presentation. I just explained the easiest part which is the objective of the policy. When I finish my speech, my lecturer told me “firdaus, I know you can do better than this, what is your hitch in doing so?” Starting from that part, I have rammed myself to be better.


ni la baby first aku, dari pagi ke pagi tompang tido atas tilam aku...comel kan?

aku pegi kelas, dia sambung tido...


Another diploma story, when I was in part 4, I still remember when my coordinator program make an announcement in Dewan Sarjana that I was short listed to be the candidate for the club general election. When the poll day comes, I saw so many flyers in around the Court Yard. Till come to the result, I have voted as top 3 among 18 candidates from the faculty and I have been appointed as Special Task Exco for two semester and High Committee as for the final semester. Starting from that, I have involved in so many faculty activities such as Project Manager for academic camp, Assistant Project Manager for Dipac’s Day Premier Show. Assistant Project Manager for Diploma in Public Administration Club’s election. Treasurer 1: Diploma in Public Administration Club. Exco of Asean, Asean Day: 1 Vision, Identity and Community. Academic Exco and Special Task Exco for Fakulti Sains Pentadbiran & Pengajian Polisi: FSPPP’s. There are lots of activities that I have participated and it gave me so many experiences.


muka terlalu adik2..


But, the most worst part as diploma student was, I have been involved in so many silly and wasted activities such as fighting with the lecturer (only once), get a warrant from the university for playing Mercun Bola in the hostel (it was on the night of my birthday for 18 years old, so sad!)…and….The bad thing is, I have been stabbed so many times! Yes, so many times! And the reason why it is easy for me to embark upon any issues when people try to cast me down is I have a lot of experience which gave me a good lesson of being stiff and retentive.


kesah budak nakal kene panggil dengan che gu besar...



dinner fakulti, first time pakaian from top to tow ditaja...


esok kembali terbang ke Kolumpur..

berehat seminggu dirumah...

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Menungu Bukan Konsep Aku...

Kadangkadang bila kita bersifat terlalu kejam, atau terlalu mendesak untuk melupakan segalanya yang berlaku, kita juga akan dijadikan sandaran untuk apa yang telah kita lakukan. tapi untuk kali ini, tak mengapa, aku mengalah.


aku tau yang kau dirundum duka, sepi walaupun kau tak mampu untuk zahirkan. aku faham. sangat faham dengan keadaan kau yang didesak oleh rasa ego kau yang terlalu tinggi.


aku bukan untuk beri peluang, cuma untuk beri ruang agar kau boleh kongsikan segala duka kau itu dengan aku. aku terima seadanya. terima segala ego kau. Dan jika kau rasa kau memerlukan aku untuk mendengar setiap permasalahan kau, aku sedia mendengar. sedia memberi masa untuk berada disisi kau walaupun aku pasti kau akan menyakitkan aku walaupun sedikit. aku sedia..benarbenar sedia..


aku tunggu panggilan dari kau, dan cuba katakan yang engkau mahu ketemu. aku sedia..benarbenar sedia...


biru itu tak semestinya petak...



Moga by Farhan AF4

Moga kau tenang
Moga kau riang
Ditiap jalan
Ditiap ruang

Moga hatimu tidak keliru
Dalam memburu impianmu
Moga kau tahu yang mana satu
Untuk kau sentuh dan kau tuju


Jalan kau pilih moga yang terbaik
Jalan yang bakal memberimu bahagia
Jalan yang tidakkan mengundang derita

Aku iringi dengan restu dan doa
Semoga kita akan bertemu semula
Moga.. bertemu semula

Moga harimu selalu terang
Moga kau temu kedamaian

c/o

Jangan kau lupa dimana kau bermula
Jangan berdusta pada yang setia
Moga.. tiada yang terluka


Biarpun dikau jauh
Manapun kau berlabuh
Kuharap hatimu kan tabah
Dan jangan sesekali kau berubah
Moga kau tetap seperti yang dulu

Jalan yang tidakkan mengundang derita
Jangan kau lupa dimana kau bermula
Jangan berdusta kepada yang setia
Moga.. tiada yang terluka

Moga kau tenang
Moga kau riang...

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Bang Bang...! i Shoot You Down!


Some people willing to forgive and later to forget, as i found it myself, i never forgive and don't even want to try to forget. we did the best for everyone concern, but some of them did not do the same. I am not begging for the returns, but as an ordinary human being, we really acquire the acknowledgement and some appreciation. It is enough when you are able to put some respects to another. It just enough!


People learn from mistakes. yes, experience is the best teacher ever. Everyone make mistake, and we learnt from it even a tiny one. I have come to a point where i can get tired facing those people who never respect the elder one. Do you have to pay for that effortlessly thing? bytheway, respects and being respected are not come forcedly, it comes naturally. I know it is not much, but its okay anyway...


berkawan tak kisah,
but don't take granted on me!
Firdaus Ahmad tak suka!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Malafide

Eye for an Eye

the right term shall we refer since karma take place so long.

yes, i do believe, injured another person returns the offending action to the originator in compensation

so, we will see what gonna happen soon. very soon...

I'm tired of securing others' dignity. i have learnt not to give people's way in a easiest means.

its a revenge. if people can go for it, so do i?

yes, its the time. the high time for me to do so.

seriously

i will...



p/s: if previously you are too hesitate in telling the people who you are (about the real fact of yourself), let me assist you for this time. yes, i will...

Thursday, January 20, 2011

My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

But you still have all of me... me... me....

perasaan yang kembali

tibatiba terjaga dari tidur...

2:39 am

ada kerja?
tak boleh tidur?
nak sambung buat report?


semuanya tidak...


tersentak lalu terbangun dari tidur sebab

rasa tak sedap hati...

orang yang rapat (mungkin pernah) dengan saya mungkin dalam keadaan yang tidak baik

sakit?
demam teruk?
susah hati?

saya yakin...

kerana hati saya ada connection yang baik dengan mereka yang saya rapat...

harapharap tak ada apa yang berlaku

InsyaAllah..

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Bastard Stranger!!

Dear respected friends,

I am no longer be able to access to my previous facebook account Firdaus Ahmad since the account have been hacked by those fucking stranger. due to that, i have created my new facebook account. kindly removed my previous account from your list. Thank you.

here is my new facebook account link

click here

regards,
Firdaus Ahmad

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Hitam Tidak Semestinya Kelam...


The best way for everyone is the hardest thing for us to do.

we have to learn the meaning and the concept of acceptance

perhaps that the way we express the feeling is in the right channel

cuma ingat SATU perkara


whenever the God close its door..no matter what, He will open His windows



Sunday, January 16, 2011

Things you have to know since you are dealing with others

1. Never send / share religious message that only shows your hypocrisy..
(come on, walk along the talk, buddy...)

2. Don't write anything in your status that mentions or insults another person.
(absolutely right.. preserve others dignity, and God will preserve yours..)

3. No one is "happy", 3 hours later "mad", 1 hour later "bored", then "sad" or "angry" etc. Go to a shrink or search for some professional help. Do not declare it publicly.
(this kind of people just need attention.. poor them)

4. If your girlfriend or boyfriend, wife or husband, cheats on you, or hurts you, [lease understand that no one is interested to know that you and your partner broke up and you are calling him/her a ******* retard.
(we are so busy with our own life.. save it for yourself..)

5. If you want to text someone so badly, respect his/her "Busy" status if its on. And people please don't try to act busy by putting on your so called "busy" status.


6. Don't change your nickname/ status, like 500 times a day. Its not cool anymore, it would just let everyone know how lifeless you are.
(you're certainly not impressed anybody... don't you have works to do??)

7. Please don't post anything that kind of "show-off" status, or your children etc... Remember, life is just like a wheel.. there's a lots of ups and downs..
(poor them.. they just need attention.. )

8. If you are so much in love with someone, please communicate only between you and your partner.. You definitely know to whom you should send the message to..
("Darling.. I can't live without you.. you mean the world to me.. I'm so thankful that I found you.. that's why i love you..."... Owh My God.. )

9. Stop broadcasting the match scores. We own a TV, Astro, and now Celcom, Maxis, Digi provide the services too. Thank you.
(No comment... they just over excited.. maybe)

Well.. that's about it.. It is so annoying.. I have to admit that maybe i have posted those kind of messages / status before.. But now i have learned..

I love this quote from the best blog I ever read..

"Some rats just need to be shown the way out"

Thanx SAS

Friday, January 14, 2011

Ain't A Pathetic Looser...

back in the day, when i was just a kid, a teenager maybe, i always thought it would be better to have a good way in dealing with people who have an opposite mindset with me, but what change me may be because of my enthusiast in knowing people deeper and harder. i always kept myself isolated since i love in observing people's life. not really a stalker, ain't at all. it just about the rambling things happen when i was doing a free-things-for-nothing. i love looking at what people doing to please others. as i have my own experience regarding this matter, it gave me the good lesson about being matured. experience is the best teacher! yes i admit this is very nice quote. life is not about finding ourselves, life is about creating ourselves. the value we put in others life is the things people would remember us. people would not remember us if we never left them our footprints. even it just only a simple thing, a wise man would consider this as a matter of appreciation. trust me.!



people don't even bother who we are. as long as we have the capability in making sense in others shoe, it is enough to make them put some loving sense and affection to us. changes may be sum up into two different things, either good or bad, it depends to us to make it real. never say no to no. and don't even be a coward to say yes for yes. i guess now i know what it takes to change me. its a failure. i faced it myself and i was framed by the situation in making a wise decision. and now, i'm in the process getting my life back. back to the right track. and it become easier since i got my new disco stick which i used to be happy. i thought i have lost all those things, but i got it wrong. at last i found my new fashion with a new match for my garment. it makes me strong enough. yes, strong enough!




as i look down at the world, it make me more clear that i was always control of my journey. do you see what i see? of course it will not be the same right? so, let me be whatever fated and let me dance with my own way. changes need sacrifice and as for now, there are lot of stuff i am not willing to let go just yet. once i done that,there is no looking back. so, i am waiting for that time to come. a time for me to completely change. a time when i look it back and i would say "yes, i am here just to say good bye!"




As for me, all I know is that I know nothing.
-Socrates-




and for the time being, i love myself in doing things which people call pathetic. why pathetic? this is the way on how i try to gain back the happiness. it sounds annoying right? not for me. trust me, some people easier to show the way they are, i mean the feeling inside. but, as for me, i love myself in doing a silent things as people will never notice what actually happen. yes, isolated!




no matter how prepared you are, no matter how brave you are, it just the matter in moving one step ahead. trust me, i can seriously delete people in my life. delete in a way which i think they deserve to. and for this moment, i have lost some bright sight of doing good things over other people. life teaches me that, to be a good person, you have to kill the better one. got what i mean? in a simple way, what can i sum up here, don't be fooled with others word as they just come out with their own bloody shit mindset. to be safe, believe your own instinct. It is not living that matters, but living rightly.




I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.





with love,
Yau



*********

Travis Randy- I Told You So


Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you
And suppose I said "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson"
And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone.

If I told you that I realised you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours to and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feelin', would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began?

Would you tell me that you'd missed me too and that you'd been so lonely
And you waited for the day that I return.
And we'd live in love forever and that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turned?

Would you say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

"Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Haiwan Jenis Apakah Anda?

Entry ni sekadar berdasarkan pengalaman. memang ada kaitan antara yang hidup dan mati...

kadangkadang kita boleh rasa mual dengan perangai atau sikap segelintir orang yang kononnya suci, akan tetapi neraka dah tempah awalawal..jom kita kongsikan bersama beberapa perkara yang memang ada kaitan dengan sesiapa sahaja...

pertama
orang yang kononnya baik dan sah2 dah tempah syurga. yang kononnya memang dah takda tempat lain untuk dia melainkan syurga! orang macam ni tak habishabis bercakap tentang perkara yang baik, memang satu perbuatan yang muliia, akan tetapi hanya pandai bercakap ja, padahal buatnya tidak. asyik nasihat orang lain suruh solat, ingat tuhan selalu. padahal, diri sendiri tak pernah atau jarang solat. dosa dah berkilokilo tak nampak, salah orang lain nampak je. bila orang lain buat salah nampak ja, diri sendiri buat salah, tetap nak pertahankan itu adalah betul. hanya betul dimata dia. orang kategori ini spesis gajah! ternak dosa banyakbanyak sampai gemok!

kedua
orang spesis ni selalu je cakap yang hebathebat tentang diri sendiri. kalau boleh dialah yang hebat. bila orang lain ada masalah, pandai pula cakap "rilex la, masalah je pun. semua orang ada masalah, jangan lari dari masalah". tapi bila dah kene batang hidung sendiri, pandai pulak nak meroyan, tak tentu arah. macam dah tak cukup tanah nak lari dari masalah tu. orang kategori ni sesuai untuk calon nyamuk aedes yang sedap untuk ditampar supaya dia sedar diri, lagi sedap kalau cepat mati.

ketiga
orang spesis ni selalu selalu jadi orang ketiga dalam satu pergaduhan. bila orang pertama dan kedua dah diam, dia pulak yang sibuksibuk nak naikkan semula bahang keadaan. orang ni suka jadi batu api yang ditempah khas dari neraka. orang macam ni memang mulut patut diikat dengan tali lembu, lepas tu tarik keliling bandar. spesis macam ni dikenali sebagai khinzir diikat hidung. hidung kasi lurus sebab senang nak hidu salah orang lain.

keempat
orang yang seterusnya ni, bersifat tawadho', berilmiah, suci dari sebarang dosa. kalau di laman sosial, suka cakap yang baikbaik sahaja- itupun kalau teman chatter dia tuh bukan dari citarasa dia. padahal, kalau chatter tu memenuhi citarasanya, mulalah buat ayat manis supaya sekurangkurangnya dapat melampiaskan nafsu serakah macam anjing yang dah 3 tahun tak pernah bersetubuh. orang kategori ini dinamakan sebagai kucing betina yang sangap, kerana punggung sentiasa terangkat walaupun dada rebah kebumi.

kelima
orang ni pula kategori manusia yang dapat rahmat dari unta di padang pasir. orang macam ni selalunya suka berlebihlebih bila bercakap. orang lain mix, dia pon nak jugak, orang lain ada kereta yang canggihcanggih, dia pun ada jugak! orang ada lover, dia pon nak jugak! tapi realitinya semua itu atas nama! atas nama sematamata. orang kategori ini selalunya jarang dijumpai. dugong putih!

keenam
orang maca ni adalah kategori diantara mereka yang selalu cari masalah dengan orang lain. bila dah sakitkan hati orang lain, pandai pulak kata ia adalah sebahagian dari kehidupan, hidup tak selalunya indah. tapi, bila kawankawan sekeliling menyakitkan hati dia, mulalah dia nak sentap lebihlebih. kawan pon dia ishtihar jadi musuh ketat dunia akhirat. macamlah dia tu dijanjikan kebahagiaan yang selamanya tanpa insan yang bernama kawan yang mana mungkin boleh membantu dia waktu susah. orang seperti ini adalah kategori beruang! kenapa beruang? asyik nak marah tak tentu pasal dan selalu fikir dia tu besar dan bagus!

ketujuh
orang macam ni selalu sangat demanding. kononnya dia hanya boleh hidup dalam keadaan yang selesa sahaja dan tak pernah keluar dari zone itu. kalau nak berkawan, mesti memenuhi keperluan yang dia letakkan seperti mempunyai rupa paras yang menawan, duit tak luak nak dihabiskan, dan yang paling menjengkelkan, setiap kali nak keluar untuk bersosial, kawankawan kene sponsor dia dari atas ke bawah. makan minum kene sediakan sebab dia merasakan dia adalah mahkluk tuhan paling seksi. tak ada sesiapa pun yang mampu kalahkan kecantikkan atau kekacakkan dia. spesis ini adalah lahir dari keturunan labilabi kerana mempunyai gigi yang setajam pisau yang boleh cukur kawankawan sampai habis darah.

kelapan
makhluk jenis ini sentiasa mengharapkan orang lain untuk memudahkan harihari dia. kiranya dia adalah diktator yang mentadbir sekalian alam dan hanya dia yang boleh mengeluarkan arahan. sesiapa yang tak ikut arahan, maka dia akan menyumpah seranah dan menggunakan sihir dia untuk menukarkan mereka menjadi batu. kononnya hanya cakap dia saja lah yang betul! orang lain semuanya salah! makluk ini namanya ikan toman gigi palsu. sebab banyak sangat gigit jari orang yang tersalah tunjuk siapa yang salah.

kesembilan
orang macam ni susah untuk dijumpai. mereka yang selalu pasrah dalam apa jua yang berlaku. bila ada masalah, dia akan tarik diri. kalau ada sebarang pertelingkahan, dia akan salahkan diri sendiri. orang macam ni jenis tak kacau sesiapa, hidup dengan dunuianya sendiri, tetapi tak bermakna dia tidak bersosial. dia lebih bersifat memendam rasa bila ada yang tidak menyenangkannya. dia mampu membuatkan orang lain menyayanginya bukan kerana paras rupa, akan tetapi hati yang baik dan jiwa yang bersih. orang seperti ini kategori ramarama atau pepatung yang indah untuk dilihat tetapi sayangnya hidup tak lama dan sukar dijumpai...