I AM STRONG ENOUGH

BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T CRY AT ALL

Sunday, February 28, 2010

A Fucking Week Begin


Monday
Mandarin oral test and Local Government Test

Tuesday
Public Policy Assignment presentation and submission of report

Wednesday
Free without any test but pack with 4 classes from 8Am till 6Pm

Thursday
Ethics test

Friday
Multimedia (cover album) Project submission and test

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I dedicate this song to someone. SEMOGA KAU MENGERTI HATI INI...

Apa Artinya Cinta by Melly Goslow

tiba-tiba kau ada
kemudian engkau hadir
laksana kerdil ku memeluk
lihat aku lebih dalam

di matamu ku melihat
ada cinta yg tersirat
iringi hati merebak

barangkali aku salah
ku terdiam bukan bisu
tahu engkau besar malu
tutupi rasa gelisah

biar saja waktu nanti yg menikmati kisah ini
bersamamu aku senang

juga kah kau menyadarinya
akulah yg pantas untuk kau cintai
di bawah langit biru aku bersumpah
diriku tanpamu apa artinya cinta

arti cinta ini sudah menelan waktuku
siang malam hanya untuk pikirkan engkau
sejuta kali aku berani bersumpah
diriku tanpamu apa artinya cinta


:: cubalah engkau mengerti::

Nervous can kill you

video

This is the first time when i was instructed by the lecturer to presents about the tutorial question alone. if before this, it was done in a grouping but for this time I have to stand alone in front of the class and critically discuss about the topic given. It is actually quite easy, but just because of the time constraint and lacking of preparation, everything turned out to be as good as what i desired. huh, i just can't breath when i saw all the eyes looking at me, listen to my speech and asked me with killer questions. but overall, I am satisfied enough with my presentation. :-)
thank to those who supports me, thanks to B.I.P ... I really appreciate it.!!

Mungkinkah aku diberi kesempatan itu...


I never thought the day would come where you would get up and run. Never thought that I would be alone. I didn't hope you would be gone this long. I want me and you to work it out. I never wished that I would hurt you again. And its driving me crazy because I'm So crazy on you.

What is the problem with me? sometimes i feel so happy, but most of times feel nothing. its mingling. do i have to play around with this sincere heart? something that makes me wonder when people do not like me the most when i need them. i know I'm not a good person. could you give me at least more than half of your heart? show me the meaning of love. Do take a good care of me. bring me to your life. bring me your soul. give me your heart. give me your attention. give me at least a chance to be with you forever. Please, i beg you... I really need you...Don' let me be alone... I damnly love you!!! yes, i do!!!


Untuk kamu...

Ucapkanlah kasih..
Satu kata yang kunantikan
Sebab ku tak mampu membaca matamu
Mendengar bisikmu

Nyanyikanlah kasih..
Senandung kata hatimu
Sebab ku tak sanggup mengartikan getar ini
Sebab ku meragu pada dirimu

Mengapa berat ungkapkan cinta
Padahal ia ada
Dalam rinai hujan, dalam terang bulan
Juga dalam sedu sedan

Mengapa sulit mengaku cinta
Padahal yang terasa
Dalam rindu dendam, hening malam
Cinta.. terasa ada…

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Cinta Terasa Ada

What a tired day!!

bangun pagi tadi tergerak hati taknak pegi kelas, then sambung tido sampai pukul 10 am.
siap2 nak pegi klas Ethics, my favorite subject pukul 10 setengah. before kuar umah sempat tengok gambar dia kejap. tenung dalam seminit dua, terus je bersemangat. I never skip this class.! even came late till the lecturer already in the class, then masuk kelas wat muka innocent cam orang x bersalah. tak sempat nak letak bag, dak2 ni soh present sebab dorang x tau sangat pasal theory tu. sangat complicated nak paham..huh dah la x prepare pape. just my luck, nasib la dah bace pasal that theory before this, so i just came up with my own idea.

abeh da present sampai semput aku sekejap nak kene argue ngan budak2 ni.

switch off the MP3, then Aiman told me kelas pagi tadi batal. Cik Yatt busy.
huh Alhamdulillah. tak sia2 aku tido lebih mase tadi. lepas je kelas Ethic, hati ni tetiba rasa sebak di tambah dengan rasa pilu. Aku pun tak tau nape, huh bermain dengan perasaan lagi kali ni. tapi takpe, aku dah berjaya kawal sampailah aku baca blog seseorang. lepas bukak je blog dia, nampak ada entry terbaru. I'm so eager to read the post sampai terpaksa skip kelas Local Government DR. Hardev Khaur. dah setel bace, pahamkan ape yang dia nak sampaikan, now hati dah kembali tenang, rasa lapang sangat, rasa macam baru je lepas jumpe dia depan mata.

tak kisah la skip kelas sekalipun, dapat tenangkan hati. lagipon memang kene skip sebab tomorrow i have an individual presentation for Organization Behavior subject. I really need time and space to prepare the slides and other resources.

tadi pegi singgah kat tempat makan MARA, ambik nasi punyelah banyak, at last makan suku je. then suruh Kak Ayu bungkuskan sirap. seminggu ni asenye dah lebih 10 bungkus sirap aku minum. ahh semakin busy, lari pegi jumpa Cik Yatt kejap nak tanya pasal presentation tuh, then i saw 3 students queuing and waiting for her.huh pasrah je la aku. dari berdiri sampailah bersila kat koridor tuh. siap ade budak bagi 10sen lagi.hampeh!!


tapi xpe la tunggu lame, baru je masok bilik Cik Yatt, she congratulates me for the quiz taken before this. I got 19 over 20. pandai jugak aku. aha, dah penat sangat, try pi cari air, Kak ayu kata Sirap dah abeh. aku kembali kecewa. then naik library tingkat 12. terjumpe Makcik Cleaner kat tangga, die tegur aku...

nak, nape kamu macam penat sangat? macam orang tak makan je ni?

aku jawab: serabut sikit la mkcik, banyak keje nak kene buat

die tarik tangan aku, dan berkata:

nak, ambik bantal ni, makcik beli tadi. buat kenangan makcik kat anak.

aku plak, bapak terharu, makcik tu nak pegi mane arr??

lepas tu dah turun tangga, rasa malu plak nak bawak bantal tuh sebab ade gambar Teddy Bear, of course all the girls around laughing at me. huh peduli dah aku?

********************************************************************

dari pagi tadi nak anta message kat Someone, but i reluctant to do so. don't know why, rasa macam ganggu dia plak. kang aku message tah dia balas ke tidak.kalau balas pun maybe sekali dua. die sibuk ngan hal dia, kawan2 dia lagi. aku paham sangat keadaan dia, so aku xnak kaco dia. I just wanna tell dia that i really miss and love dia. tapi takut tak terbalas plak sayang aku ni. sebab dia cam x percaya je perkataan sayang kat dia. past experience katenya. so biar aku simpan je jauh dalam hati. cuma beri dia masa untuk benar2 pahami setiap inci kasih sayang yang ada dalam hati ini...

aku cuma tak tau bagaimana nak yakinkan die yang aku sangatlah sayang kat dia, aku harap die pon camtu la...semoga dia pun sentiasa sayang kat aku selalu...

dari pagi tadi before pegi kelas, aku asep dengar lagu Ahli Fiqir ni, tajuknye Derita Merindu. aha bukan kerana JK ok, tapi tetiba cam rasa tercabar ngan kata2 dia dalam lirik tuh...

Dan aku cuba sedaya upaya Telah ku usaha dengan SEPENUH JIWA Bagaimana hendak ku lupa BAYANGAN WAJAHMU selalu di depan mata HARUM BAUMU masih dapat ku hidu Bagaimana ingin aku membencimu Jikalau setiap hari MERINDU Sekiranya derita merinduimu Itu sebenarnya BAHAGIA Aku pilih derita...

haha, secara jujur dari hati, aku tak pernah rasa derita pon, SUMPAH TAK PERNAH!!! semakin hari semakin sayang ada la. walaupun dia "mungkin" tak percaya apabila aku katakan yang aku sayang padanya. tapi xpela, biar aku je yang pendam segala perasaan itu.

dan buat masa sekarang ni, sehingga aku menaip ke ayat INI..., aku asep terpikir pasal dia. tah ape la die buat skang ni, dah makan ke tidak. malas plak nak tanya, kang dia kata aku ni kuat bebel, so biarkan aje. skang ni konsep saya, "menurut perintah", pe yang die x suka, memang aku lansung x buat dah. INSAF tahap dewa. sebab aku taknak dan sesekali takkan sakiti hatinya lagi...semoga aku sentiasa bersamanya selamanya

sekian, ringkasan hati seorang Firdaus...


Monday, February 22, 2010

Second Half

Mid semester break is already passed. now is the crucial time to focus on my study.
I'm not really sure either I can really focus on my study since there are lot of things to do while the examination take place soon. I only have another seven or eight weeks to go to ensure i can really ready to seat for the exam. with lot of tests, quizzes, projects and presentation, i hope it will be done successfully. For my facebook, i already switch off the account for a while to focus on my study. I wish I could get Dean List again for the second time. i rally eager to get it!! I put an extra efforts on it, but all is depends on God's fate. I do believe that effort is a good way to pursue our ambitions, but there are many things might be the constraints, even we have tried our best, but sometimes god is testing us on something unpredicted. who knows? maybe one day if we failed to get what we desired, then we will be totally down. then others will laugh at us since we are not as good as before. for me, its none of their business to know how we struggling on it.

I do hope that this semester will be easier for me even the subjects taken is quite difficult. with the supports from the family, friends, pal, and someone who really close, i wish everything will be run smoothly. may these supports will boost my spirit to be a better man and get a good result soon.

And you lover, I really appreciate on the supports you gave me. I will try my best on it. even we are far away each other, I hope that this love will be longer. Don't let me down. thank you for everything dear.

Budak Baik nak Bace buku... Ching!!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

At the moment...


Mood= Blessed

Feeling= Excited

Status= In love

Energy level= 60%

Love meter= 180%

Trust= 120%

Current Song: Kerna Ku Sayang Kamu

Friday, February 19, 2010

Sungguh!!!

DOWN

DOWN

DOWN

DOWN

DOWN

Won't go back to campus!!

wanna be with you all the timeS

please!!!!

HAPPY

HAPPY

HAPPY

HAPPY

HAPPIEST

Dua perkara

There are two things I damnly regret in myself...

I know I can't get it back easily even things changed

I'm not a good person especially in love

This still new for me

I'm not sure either it can be highly good over bad or instead

still learning these new things from the surrounding

hope it can be better as I wish

ohh God, is this Your punishment for an innocent people like me?

Or, this is only the way u ask me to be a better man

Then I have to admit that God is trying me...

I hope this won't be lasting and longer

please God, I only have “DIA” in my heart

loosing “DIA” such killing me..

Kau sampaikan lah padanya, aku terlalu mencintai dia dan aku tidak sanggup kehilangannya walau sedetik masa berlalu...aku terlalu lemah..

kembalikan semula KEPERCAYAAN dan RASA CINTANYA PADAKU...

My definition of love


1-Utmost trust
2-Sacrifice everything
3-Loyal and faithful
4-Undivided love
5-Being benevolence
6-Cry when you are happy and beam when you are hurt
7-zip up your heart for others
8-keep asking for forgiveness when you are not right
9-varnish your ego
10-Avoid yourself from being stalker!
11- Do not seeking others to resolve the dispute
12-Appreciate him/her in every single thing he/she did
13-Give a lovely kiss and hug before you snooze
14-lend your hand when needed
15-stare at the sky when you loose your lover , think that he/she did the same thing

Monday, February 15, 2010

Hanya Kau Yang Mampu

Tell me what you think of me
Say that in time we will be
See how we are not so free
Look at how us now say we

Show how you feel for me too
Let me know our love is true
Give that kiss forever new
Hold me tight never say blue

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you

Only you...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I love migrain





migraine is such hell!!!

i could not manage myself when it comes and i feel like I'm dying

that's the reason why i can skip the class..

no need to go to class...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Just smile yau.. be strong

awesome!!!

you are the great people i never seen

its all what can i say...

today is the "sweetest" day of mine...

being hurt again, again, again, again, again, and again for the things done unpredicted as is not come from me...

i could say that life is so "beautiful"
when you are the actor of others game...

and me, currently playing with this fucking puzzle game as created to demolish my spirit and soul..

thank you everybody..

thanks FRIEND...

thanks foe...

:-)

I have hurt myself by hurting you..!!!

Hurt- Christina Aguilera

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today, ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done, forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you

For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh

Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back


Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you

For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you

Saya tak tahu mengapa saya suka lagu ini

I surrender - Celine dion


There's so much life I've left to live
And this fire is burning still
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the way
To stand for every dream
And forsake this solid ground
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I'm in love with you

'Cause I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

I know I can't survive
Another night away from you
You're the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
Right now, there's no better time
From this fear I will break free
And I'll live again with love
And no they can't take that away from me
And they will see...

I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

Every night's getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger, baby
I'll swallow my pride and I'll be alive
Can't you hear my call
I surrender all

I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'll make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'll make you give them all to me
I'll hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

Right here, right now
I give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you

Right now
I give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Mid term is arround the corner!!!

yeeha, i can't wait till the moment come true.
wanna go home as soon as possible.
i miss my someone so much.
another 3 days to go, it such a long time to be taken.
but i don't mind at all...
because i know, it will be the nice moment of mine.

i'm sure there are lot of things to do on my mid term,
lot of assignments, quizzes and tests
how can i manage my time wisely?
hope it will be alright then.

huh, and you my dear,
wait till i can see u in front of me,
staring at you all the times to replace all the missing times between us...

Saturday, February 6, 2010

The rest is still unwritten


My question is, what would you sacrifice for the one you love the most?
then this guy keep arguing with me, i do respect his fact, but I'm a bit disagree with him. for me, love is not only about our feeling. it require more than feeling. if you sacrifice your feelings to the person you love, but it HURTS you, then what it means? being hurt is what you looking for in your relationship?

for me there is no right or wrong answer when we talk about love. its all about passion, affection, and honest. huh, everyone have a different perception about love.

I'm so surprised with the last sentence of the post. he said that his friend is suck! maybe there is something happened between them, its non of my business actually. See, just because of love, he lost his friend, my question here, don't you feel hurt when u lost friends because of love? is that what it means by love? huh...

The love you take is equal to the love you made..!!!


wink!!

Menimbang rasa

Andai itu takdirnya


Andai Itu Takdirnya by Siti Rosmizah

another 25 chapters to go. huhu, since i fell in love with someone, i try to really understand what love is. for time being, I enjoying myself to read one of the novel suggested by my friends, Andai itu takdirnya. now i have reached to the climax of the story. huh it sad enough! this story is about love destiny of a pretty lady who fated to fall in love with a guy who never appreciate her existence. even though she's only an ordinary people namely Aleeya who get married to this rich guy (Syed Adam Aizril) without her desire, but she has to do so, it is because of her foe who threaten her badly by framing her intentionally just because to achieve his bad intention. i would suggest this novel to whom it may concerned especially to learn what love is all about.

my friends told me, i will cry while i reading this novel. that's the reason i eager to know what this story is about. well, i'm not doing so. aha, but this novel teaches me on how to appreciate people who love you before its too late to do so. this is a good novel i never seen. anyway, thanks to those who lend me this novel...

nice quote: kemaafan yang diberi tidak sama sekali menjadikan saya lupa akan kedudukan diri saya ini. saya tidak boleh membuang pangkat itu ketepi hanya kerana kesalahan yang pernah dibuat pada saya.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

...

where is the passion when you need it the most?

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You've seen what you like...

Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught

"True love doesn't consist of holding hands -
it consists of holding hearts."