entah kenapa, hari2 yang berlalu semakin menekan perasaan. kadang kala penat dengan keadaan sekeliling yang membelenggu. mungkin peritnya tidak akan sama seperti mata yang melihat. bahu yang memikul ini sudah tidak larat dan semakin rebah.
biarpun air mata yang menjadi penyedap dihati, apakan daya, tak semuanya berlalu pergi.
yang utamanya, pelajaran semakin terganggu. ya, sedikit pun saya tidak tumpukan padanya. walau banyak manapun kerja, ianya diabaikan dengan tiada rasa tanggungjawab pada diri sendiri. saya sungguh tertekan kerana hanya beberapa minggu sahaja final exam akan berlansung.
my eldest sister, she's warded early in this morning due to the virus which infected her eyes. last week she got fever, after a few days, her eyes become blur and yet it become chronic. there is a virus in her blood. i don't know how to explain this thing.i do hope that she will get well soon.
my second sister getting married another next two weeks. this is the first time event for our family. i pity my mum as she has to do everything by her own. she called me last night and suddenly she's crying for the unexpected things happen just because of my fucking dad who reluctant to give his cooperation. i wish i could be by my mum's side as she need a shoulder to cry on but i was unable to do that because i have a lot of commitments here regarding my study. yes, its keeping me depressed!
then, is about the practical training. i have sent lot of applications to many companies around KL last month. and the result make me so frustrated. many of them reluctant to accept us just because of the period for the practical is only five weeks. they are looking for the candidate who gonna stay in their company for at least minimum ten weeks.
due to the hyper stress lately, there was an internal bleeding on my right ears. i went to the clinic to get the medicine and the doctor told me that i need an ample time to relieve the stress. i got one week leave but still, i have to attend classes as there are lots of thing need to cover up.
and the time i posting this entry, i wasn't sleep for two days. i don't have an appetite for my meals. my weight decreased rapidly as compared to the last two weeks. at the moment, my weight is only 56 Kg. it takes 4 kg burnt just like the pieces left.
i don't know why this time is so thorny for me to face it. I AM SO TIRED. I TIRED OF THINKING. so tired...
i need someone to cry on, to share the pain inside. i need shoulder because i couldn't bear it alone...
i really need a hug