I AM STRONG ENOUGH

BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T CRY AT ALL

Friday, July 30, 2010

Sebulan = 32 Hari

While I’m writing this entry, I feel so edgy with myself for the stuff happened lately. Too much things occurred as a result of uncertainties. Hmm, I thought it will be alright as I took so many means for that, but it doesn’t work at all. I don’t get the answer for that. Things happened surprisingly at the moment of truth. I got a lot of anecdotes to share here...


Calling from KP – Miss Kay

For the whole week gave me so much worried as my coordinator program asked me to meet her personally. I don’t know what actually she wants to tell me, but she gave me so much inklings for that.

Firstly, she told me that it is all about me and my study. "ko jangan banyak sengih sangat...tu je aku nak pesan". And for the second time I met her companied by my friends, she reluctant to discuss further and she told me “ kau rasa kau ada buat salah tak?’’. I always kept thinking what actually she wants to tell me. is it all about my study? Hmm I have no idea for that.


Calling from kedah – En Mahadir Ladisma

I received a phone call from my ex-KP told me about the future lecturer-wanna-be. Hmm he told me to study well and get a good result soon. He put so much hopes on me regarding my study and always reminds me that I will be apart of them soon. katanya “ berjuang untuk anak bangsa”. Entahlah, layak ke saya nak jadi lecturer ni? Belajar pun main2 je. tak pernah nak focus.


Langgar dan Lari

Dalam seminggu ni, rasa tak sedap hati je. Ada je perkara yang membuatkan saya rasa tak selesa saban hari. Bila dah terlalu banyak berfikir, sampai rasa terawang awangan pulak. Just imagine, bawak motor dengan keadaan yang berhati- hati masih lagi melanggar orang. Dah langgar lari pulak tu. Tapi takda la teruk mana pun, it sound ghastly, but it didn’t actually. Alkisahnya, sambil bawak motor, sambil berangan. Tau2 ja tayar depan dah cium bontot Swift. Nasib baiklah tak teruk mana, lepas tu terus je cabot. Nak tunggu? Harus la melayang duit PT yang x berapa nak cukup tu.


Forgive and forget

Kalau dulu, saya ni seorang yang pemaaf. Tak kisah lah apa sekalipun yang orang cuba lakukan untuk menyakitkan hati, sedaya upaya saya akan lupakan. It doesn’t matter how hurt it is, I always trying to be so humble in giving people some forgiveness. But currently I am changing my psyche not to be so silly to forget the things done as I suffer too much. I leave it to god to decide then. I do believe in KARMA. Like Justin Timberlake’s song; what goes around, comes around, what you give, you get it back dude.


Hmm To Whom It May Concern, I will never ever forgive you for what you have done to me! You make a fool of everyone. Saya tak akan berputus asa walau sekecil zarah sekalipun untuk berdoa pada yang Diatas sana untuk memberikan sedikit demi sedikit pembalasannya walaupun saya sedari apa yang saya lakukan itu kadang-kala melanggar etika diri. But, sampai bila? I think this is the time for me to shelter my self-interest to be respected by others. Just wait and see what will happen soon.


Jari Kecil

I still remember about the Pakcik I met In Melaka Central yesterday while queuing for the bus ticket. That pakcik is actually the bus conductor who asked me to show him my fingers. Emm, it took seconds for me to do so, in my mind, I assume that pakcik wanna make something eerie on me. “ entah2 dia ni nak pukau aku rasanya” haha its funny.

Then I showed him my sweet fingers :p . Suddenly he told me something unexpected. Kamu ni anak bongsu kan? Kamu ada 3 adik beradik? Kamu seorang je lelaki? Hah haruslah saya tekejut sedikit beruk disitu. How do you know? Dia kata ada lah…kuasa tuhan nak. It awesome pakcik! Semua yang dia teka tepat2 belaka. Dan tiba2, dia berkata tentang sesuatu yang membuatkan saya so eager to listen. Anak, kamu ni ada masalah dalaman bukan? Kamu ni kat luar Nampak macam okay, tapi kamu ada masalah hati. Kamu ni berduka dah terlalu lama ni. Jari2 kamu ni menceritakan segalanya pada pakcik. Anak mata kamu juga menunjukkan sakit dalaman kamu.

Mulanya saya tak berapa yakin dengan pakcik ni, tapi bila dah mampu untuk teka nama saya siap berbintikan ibu (nama bila sudah mati), dan meneka tarikh lahir saya dengan tepat, maka saya pun meletakkan sedikit kepercayaan kepada dia

Saya masih tercengang. Pakcik ni dukun ke apa? Serba serbi dia tahu ni. Dengan ringkas saya jawab ya. Kalau nak tipu pon macam tak ada gunanya, sebab memang dia tahu jawapan tu. Anak jangan terkejut kalau pakcik boleh teka dengan betul siapa yang buatkan anak ni sakit. Dengan sepantas kilat saya potong kata2 dia sebab saya sendiri taknak dia cakap apa2 yang tak perlu. Haha, pakcik memang hebat. Dan selepas itu, dia mintak my cell phone number and he told me that he will give me a call when he got time for that.

Apa kene mengena dengan Jari Kecil?

Sebab dia saved my number and named it as Jari kecil. You are so amusing pakcik! Salute on you!


Mungkin benar apa yang pakcik tu cuba nak sampaikan pada saya, yang sebenarnya saya masih sakit.

Sakit yang masih parah dihati…


video

Aku Sakit by Wali Band

3 comments:

diyah_Noh said...

Peliknya yg part org tua tu...

Apepun..for me it's better to forgive people.In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness. Believe it =)

Ahmad Firdaus @ Yau said...

haaa tau xpe..orang tua tu memang pelik..

forgive? x akan kot..dah penat memaafkan sampai maaf tu macam dah xde makna...haha

beLLa.boOlat. said...

mcm2 la yau nih. btw, saye da start updating my blog. read it.! :P