It was long before i used not to cry. it wasn't about love, but it's all about the things that God had fated me. it's about life, family, sense of belongingness etc. when i was a kid, i always asked myself, why god granted me to live in incomplete family. i mean, a family which don't take it roles to do the right things. when i grew up, it is quite difficult for me to grow (mentally) like others, who posses the value of family life. does it happened because of god's fates? or it is because the human itself failed to live in a good way which reflects others life? i am not putting the blames on god, or even the parents.. but, we are the victims of others life. we could not feels the same value of family love like others, the sense of being somebody to the family. why this happen? why god testing us for the things we cannot bear.?
once you live in a broken family, u will know how much it hurts u. how meaningless life for those who never feels the love of a good family. i still remember when i was in school, when every parents come to the school and fetch their children, came to school to get the scroll, i felt like i never have those kind of attention, the passion and being ignorance by the family.
people have no strength to fight what god has fated us. even up to the extend, people always told me that the hikmah is there. but, i couldn't see it and god never gives me any sign of his plan for my journey, my family journey. and today, i was cried in the middle of class break when my sister called me and shares her problems. i don't know how to please everyone around me. since i was the only son in the family, i have a very huge responsibilities to look after my mum and my sisters. i have to bear the responsibilities as a son for my mum, responsibility and roles as father for my sisters, and also as a brother. i couldn't bear this thing which burdening me. it is easy for people to say it, to give the advice. but it is rather difficult for those who bear the circumstances which might kills...
berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul...
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